I attended my first big event as a married woman tonight.
I felt iffy, & checked leading up to the event. I got a 2.2 on a bg right before the bride walked.
Chug a glucagel.
Today is NOT about me. Do NOT let this become a thing.
ChugAsMuch as possible.
Today is not about me.
What do I have to do to not make a scene? Let's keep this quiet. Can I stand? Ok, we are standing. I am clapping. Good, time for sitting again. Why did I pick a seat on the end of an aisle? If I end up needing to suck back another pouch of liquid glucose, I am RIGHT in the line of their pictures. Let's have less glucose and just try really hard not to be embarrassing until the ceremony's over.
Post-wedding contemplation revealed that thoughts during the ceremony were all over the place. I had a pretty bad low minutes below it started, and it was bad enough that even the Husband was worried enough to debate marching us out of there. I'm not sure whether it was the heat (holy moly it was 30+ degrees) or the excitement of a friend's big day, but that low hit me hard.
There are some times where diabetes gets to be front-and-centre.
If it is acting up and requiring that I stop other activities in order to treat a high or low, I will respond. Definitely. Stop. Everything and Fix. It.
If it is life-threatening, on the other hand? That is a different issue. That is a recruit-the-troops, call in the friends, have backup people because I'm not sure I can take care of myself sort-of-situation.
In this case, a bg of 2.2 was leaving me feeling fairly incapacitated. My head was fuzzy and I was worried (very worried) about being able to stand in my 1.5" heels. I had my wonderful (and highly concerned) husband watching me very closely for signs that he needed to say "fuck this wedding, I might lose my wife" and call an ambulance.
Let it be known that I did not believe it would get to that point.
I have a feeling that he did think that it might get that bad. He knows I'm very sensitive to heat, so even when I think I'm in the clear, sommmmmmmmetimes the weather gets to me more than I expect.
I chugged a glucagel and suspended my pump. Not reassuring for him, I know, since my pump was also set to vibrate-mode during the wedding, which means that any additional low alerts would be evident to me but not to him.
This low brought me closer than lows usually do, but this one was not life-threatening.
With no action on my part, it would have been. Absolutely. No argument there. 2.2 on a hot day is going to get worse, maybe quickly.
I did treat it though. I spent what I'm sure was a beautiful wedding entirely focused on breathing and maintaining my balance in my chair.
I'm part annoyed to admit that it was necessary, but proud to say that at least I did not fall out of my chair mid-ceremony. Thank goodness for small miracles?*
*In case you're curious, it was a beautiful wedding. And a lovely evening altogether. :)!
Today I marry the love of my life. I'm so excited to make promises and vows to this man who I love with all of my heart.
I can't imagine my life without him, and he tells me he loves me too -- broken pancreas and all.
(to be fair, I do have some good qualities that sort of offset the broken-pancreas stuff. I think.)
I feel like the luckiest girl alive <3
I am 39 hours away from being married.
I have not been wearing a sensor. Keep meaning to start a new one. I should do that tonight, probably.
I've been checking less with no sensor. Maybe 2-3 times per day. No bad lows, though? & no highs that I've noticed. Doesn't mean they haven't happened though.
It's almost time. I will start a new sensor, so that it has time to wet properly before the wedding begins. Just once I finish this book?
So, an update:
I have not uploaded my pump data to Carelink since last week when I promised myself I would (I blame Pokemon GO for this one).
Yesterday I ran out of insulin again overnight so I carried around a bottle for about 18hrs and took shots by syringe every few hours. Forgot to disconnect my pump, so I kept it connected too. I really only needed it nearby for the cgm, but didn't clue in that I could yank out the no-longer-useful infusion set.
Tonight I had two bowls of soup, three slices of pizza, a veggie wrap, and four glasses of wine for dinner. & no, I'm not done yet. It is 9pm.
It's official; wedding planning is getting to me. On the plus side, no scary-need-help-to-treat lows, no ketones-and-puking highs in a while so...that's a good sign? Silver linings, anyone?
I get really bad wifi connection when I'm in the fridge with my juice drinking all of the juice.
I thought I have been doing quite well.
Sure, I've had a few more lows than usual. Sure, stress can do that. And sure, I keep having to remind myself after treating these lows that maybe it's time to slash away at my basal rates so these lows happen less often, but then I forget right up until the next 2.7 is staring me in the face.
Then this happened, and I found myself sitting in my office 2 days ago with an empty pump and a 6-day-old infusion set. That may be the norm for some, but I usually try to keep to a 3- or 4-day site rotation, so 6 is a bit much. Limiting sets to 3 or 4 days usually easy for me, since I've never made it past day 4 with any insulin left in my reservoir.
I think at this point it's safe to say that despite my best (okay, my medium-est) efforts, wedding planning has bested me. Diabetes care has fallen by the wayside. I'm still here, still bolusing for food and chowing back on glucose tablets when I'm low, but being proactive about my self-care is taking a backseat to all of the wedding stuff.
So, step 1 has been Recognizing The Need For Change. I guess step 2 is actually doing it. On that note, I will upload my cgm data to Carelink when I get home tonight. I will. Tonight.
I mean, not right away tonight. We have a meeting with the wedding DJ after work. But after that. Definitely.
I've been lucky, I think. I have gotten my prescriptions from the same pharmacy for over a decade. In that time, I have been on multiple medications. Had a few ohmygod I broke a bottle can I have a new one moments. Spent a LOT of time, especially as an adult, having in-depth conversations with my pharmacist about the effects of any specific medication. These conversations have increased in frequency since I entered the grand world of antidepressants.
A few years ago my pharmacy hired a new guy. I LIKED this guy. He looked up my file, knew what I was on, and would coach me, explain to me, reassure me everything I thought to ask about.
Today I had a very different experience.
We are switching from med A to med B. I entered this conversation expecting to be told what to expect as I stop taking med A (I imagine there will be withdrawal effects), as I start taking med B (hello, side effects), and as I increase the dosage of med B (impacts on my blood sugars, if the past is anything to go by).
What I got was drastically different.
I got a kind, soft-spoken old man who explained to me that I am to take one a day for 7 days, then 2 a day.
That's it folks.
Does it matter when in the day I take med B?
*shrug* "No, it shouldn't. "
Will I notice any symptoms as I change from one medication to the other?
*kind smile* *vague gesture towards the product leaflet I hold in my hand* "Ohhh, maybe... it's mild. Anything is so mild. Maybe nausea...but mild. Not for very long. Mild."
Will this affect my blood sugars?
*eyes widen* "Oh, you have diabetes? It shouldn't affect..."
*he flips through the product leaflet, sees the little blurb where it mentions the drug may affect blood sugars*
"Oh it might, yes. But *shrug* a little bit. Not too much. If it's too much, you go back to the doctor."
Should I worry about changes in my insulin or carb sensitivity?
"Oh. You take insulin?"
"Yes, since I was 4."
"Oh ok. You ask the doctor for the tester [this is a statement, not a question]. You check every 2, 3 days, maybe check every day and see what happens. Can you check every day?"
"I check my blood sugars 7-10 times per day."
I feel like screaming. I should not have to explain this to you. You have my file, you've just neglected to even skim the surface before handing over these drugs and trying to send me on my way.
He nods his head. "OK then. You check...good." He looks at me, gives me a half-smile, and gently pushes the bag of pills across the counter.
I sigh and turn to the other pharmacy staffer. I tell him I also want to pick up a bottle of glucose tablets and a box of alcohol swabs.
Once the useless tit of a pharmacist leaves the counter, I ask, "When could I come back and talk to [the other guy]?"
I'm told with a sad look that he's no longer working there. My face must have given me away-- I'm pretty sure the dismay was pretty evident.
He thinks for a sec "We have another girl...at our other location. She's good. She's a lot like the other guy. She's over there during the week, and here on Saturdays. You could come back Saturday, or... "
He grabs me a business card for their other location. "Call her. No-- call me first; I'll make sure she has a copy of your file available. Then call her. She'll be able to help."
Today I'm thankful for that utter gem of a human being who saw my panic and stepped in to offer a solution.
Today. There's time later for being furious at the new guys complete failure to do his frigging job. For today, I'm just relieved that the new guy, that quiet, irresponsible man, isn't my only source of information about my medications.
I realized something slightly ridiculous today.
I told a lie about why I ended up waking up with a high BG this morning. I was out with a group of friends, but the migrane that's been edging in since I first woke up was getting louder and angrier by the minute. I spoke to the hostess to politely excuse myself so I could go home to sit in a very quiet room with the lights dimmed, and this kind, wonderful friend of mine asked what was up.
I told her, as well as her parents who had just arrived to the soiree, that I woke up with a high blood sugar and a splitting headache and it's been getting worse all day. I then shrugged. It must have been a kinked pump cannula or something, I explained. That's definitely why I woke up high.
It's not, though. I was 4.3 with 1.5 units of insulin on board when I checked before bed. I'd just started a new cgm and was still in the 2-hour warm-up period, so I had no cgm graph to indicate whether I was stable or dropping. I was uncomfortable going to bed at that number with insulin still on board, so I chugged back a juice box before brushing my teeth and going to bed.
I was, in case you can't tell where this is going, very mistaken about the effects of my on-board insulin. I woke up at 14 -- by far not the worst blood sugar I've ever seen upon waking up, but still high enough to give me the headachey, fuzzy-mouthed irritability that comes with a few solid hours of high BGs.
The part that's truly baffling though, is why did I lie? I'm positive my friend could not give less of a shit about the finer details. Why not just admit that I was scared of going low overnight, so I overreacted? There would be no judgement from this friend; no chastising me for not waiting it out or setting an alarm to check overnight. No finger-wagging or tsk-tsk-tsking at how I jumped the gun and treated a low that hadn't happened yet.
I know my actions weren't ideal. I think my reasons (fear of going low) are perfectly reasonable, but still I obviously overtreated. Why did I hide that information? Why treat it like I have something to hide?
I think I found one of the most uncomfortable feelings basically ever - or in the top 10 at least. It starts with a high blood sugar, but not too high - something around 13 or just over.
13, by the way, is high enough for your body to start producing ketones. Did you know this? I did not remember this. Could happen though. Differs for everyone, but it's still possible.
So let me get back to the least comfortable feeling ever. That feeling when you exercise and in order to exercise you set a lower temp basal so you can exercise safely, but then following your exercise, you spike because your temp basal was probably a little overkill. That's okay though, right? Better safe than sorry. Having BG sitting a bit higher, maybe 12-13, post-exercise is certainly preferable to mid-exercise lows. (For me, anyways. Lows while I'm fighting traffic on my bike would be mildly unpleasant, probably.)
That post-exercise spike leaves you sitting at 13. You wait to correct the 13 because you're grocery shopping and picking up things for dinner, only by the time you get home your blood sugar of 13 has turned into 13 with large fucking ketones.
And dinner? Forget dinner. Instead of dinner, you get to be thirsty as fuck while simultaneously fighting the urge to hurl back up all of the water you just chugged. Fighting rather unsuccessfully, I might add.
Add to all of this the incredibly defeating feeling of failing at exercise, failing at diabetes, and the infuriating helplessness of the fact that THIS. IS. NOT. FAIR.
THAT, ladies and gentleman, makes my top 10 for most uncomfortable way to spend my Friday night.