30
Aug

End of Summer thoughts

Shaky. Fatigued. A bit brain-fuzzy, so really needing to think before I speak.

Putting things down instead of holding them, because if I hold them you'll see how my hands are shaking.

Asking a lot of questions that I *know* will set you up for a big in-depth response, because that way I can participate by making "mm hmm" noises while not actually having to speak or form a coherent response.

Leaning against the counter, because it's less risky that way. Less of a chance I'll tumble.

Smiling brightly and in a way that I hope looks reassuring, so that you won't ask if I'm feeling ok because I look a little "off".

For months, life has been about wedding planning. Now I'm not planning anything, and I think a combo of hot weather and a lack of wedding-prep stress has left me with some pretty serious lows. This week has been making it clear that I need to tweak my basal rates.

Thing is, I don't want to say that it must be so nice to be done planning.
I don't want to talk about my health. It's not nice to be back and be "basking in no wedding stress!". It's not. It's really not. It's uncomfortable and debilitating and leaves me feeling weak and frustrated.

So please, please don't ask how I am. I will hope you don't ask, and if you do, I will lie. I will lie and I'll hope you either don't catch on or, if you do, you'll get the hint and not pry. I am tired and I am low and when I'm not low I'm high. If the beeping of my pump doesn't give it away, my bright smiles and quick escapes should.

 

Just give me a bit more time to adjust to my new stress levels. Ask me again in the fall, ok? Ask me how I'm doing and maybe you'll like the answer a bit more come October.

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