8
Nov

MakeDiabetesVisible, days 5, 6, and 7

The last few days have been busy! Baby and I have been out to all sorts of appointments this week. Methinks a carb ratio change is in order, as breakfast left me low and unable to drive for 3 days this week.

Baby and I sit on the stairs,  waiting for blood sugar to rise so I can drive.

Sitting on the stairs, waiting for bg

So we sit, patiently waiting for the juice to kick in.

5
Nov

MakeDiabetesVisible 2018, day 4

It's late and I'm tired, so have a #bgnow, courtesy of my METER BG NOW alarm:

Glucometer showing a bg of 12.

A little high, but I'll take it. Not a bad bg for 2am.

Good enough for overnight

1
Nov

#MakeDiabetesVisible 2018, day 1

Today is the first day of November, Diabetes Month. To highlight the ups and downs (lol) of living with diabetes, I'm participating in the daily photo challenge. Check out http://makediabetesvisible.com/ for more info.

For day 1:

Husband and I went out for a wonderful dinner at a friend's place. I bolused for dinner, everything was fine... then came dessert. Forgetting to bolus for a dessert brownie left me here:

CGM showing high BG, and a brownie

Pictured: pump and delicious, carb-y brownie

19
Aug

Openaps-ing

So I have to be honest. I got a few great days, maybe a week, out of my openaps system. Then I broke it.

 

I was mega-pregnant* and constantly exhausted, so I sort of gave up on it. I never tried to rebuild never tried for an automated system.

I am hooping that sometime over the next 9 months of mat leave, I manage to wrangle up something new. We'll see? I always thought myself capable of more, but apparently motherhood and t1d have, in combination, kicked the crap out of me.

 

 

*I was honestly probably only 3 of 4 months preggo, but the nausea felt like it had been going on for years. I threw up everything. sorry for exaggerating?

14
Aug

Post-baby!

Happy to announce that my beautiful and very skilled (in yelling) son was born May 3rd. Less-than-happy to announce that diabetes has been a mess since then.

Part of me wants to aim for an a1c of 14 so that I can use the high BGs to burn fat (instead of carbs) and lose this baby weight.

Most of me hates the BG rollercoaster that comes along with breastfeeding.

I'm a part of a weekly therapy group that takes place at a local hospital, but most of the new moms are working on issues with bonding with newborns and working on relationships with their partners. When I described my issues (constant obsession with low bgs like I needed in pregnancy, low bgs after breastfeeding, feeling kind of like I'm dealing with a newborn baby and a newborn (and very , very angry) t1 dx) , the lead therapist suggested that I use the group therapy as a place to vent. This left me feeling like the group wasn't equipped to deal with medial issues :S.

Whether this is true- remains to be seen! I'll report back on whether the group can help me to work on healthcare issues instead of partner communication issues (my partner kicks ass. No problems there.).

My wonderful, adorable (yet constantly angry) baby is great, probably. Now if only by diabetes could let me feed him without napping bc my bgs are in the 2s. Like I said, It's a work in progress.

31
Jan

I did this to myself

I know I have no right to complain.
My site was on day 4, and as an upper-butt-cheek-infusion-set, it has seen quite a bit of wear over the last 4 days.

My 6-day-lifespan sensor was restarted and was on day 8.
I postponed changing my site and sensor last night. "It's wasteful to change a site when I still have a half-day of insulin left."   "The infusion set doesn't even hurt that much. I'll just sleep on my other side again tonight."     "That sensor worked so well for its first round! It will be fine for a few more days."
The lies we tell ourselves to justify not having to change a site. Not having to feel that jab, twice, as two devices are inserted for 3- and 6- day spans (or 5 and 10, if you tend to stretch out your supplies like I do). All of this led to me sitting at work this morning with a splitting headache and a thirst like you wouldn't believe (I'm at almost 2L of water so far. Been at work for just over 2 hours). Cal reminder alarm prompted me to check my BG and to be quite honest, I probably wouldn't have bothered if not for that alarm. My cgm had me at 8.4 and dropping, so I wasn't worried.
Still, though. I should calibrate.

Fingerstick, 18.6 (335 mg/dL).
Well, then.
Working on a set change with this kind of headache is challenging. I rip open an alcohol swab, then stop. Squint. Rub my aching temples. What was I doing? Oh, right. Syringe, wipe top of insulin bottle. Use now-disconnected pump to calculate the correction dose. Deliver correction.
Another alcohol swab. What was this one for? Wipe top of insulin bottle, feeling vaguely like I've already done this. Think back, pushing through the throbbing haze of red that clouds my head and makes coherent thought a distant memory. Aha! Yes, I did do this.
Do it again. Change infusion set. Charge transmitter. Replace sensor. Look at the mess of medical waste and wonder why I didn't do this yesterday.

Looks like I have some tidying to do...

4
Nov

13? Balderdash, says I!

Welcome, ladies and gents. It is November 4th, meaning that we are 4 day in to Diabetes Month.
For today, I would like to give you a glimpse into the frustration that comes along with this big ball of autoimmune-related shit called Diabetes.
Ketones start spilling out into urine at a BG of 13 mmol/L. This is a well-documented fact, check the American Diabetes Association or similar sites to confirm. 
So why, then, does a BG like this:

CGM reading of 12.8

CGM this morning


Confirmed via fingerstick:

BG meter value of 12.3

BG via meter


Produce ketones that look like THIS:?!

Ketone stick measuring high ketones

PURPLE ketone stick


Please excuse me, I'll be spending the rest of the day suppressing the urge to scream while mindlessly beating my head against a wall out of frustration.

16
Oct

Fun math problem!

It's 2am. You have had 6 drinks over the past 6 hours. 

You have had a 70% temp basal set for the past 3 hours. It is scheduled to continue for 8 more hours.

Your current BG is 10.0. 

Your cgm says 9.6 with a straight-ish line, so it's not too far off. 


You have 0.3 units of active insulin on board. Your pump recommends an additional 0.9 units to treat the high bg.
You are a 40 minute drive away from the people who know how to help if things go south. The alcohol makes you much more sensitive to insulin than you usually are.

If you wake up with a BG above 12, your hangover will be magnified and you likely won't be able to make the drive home tomorrow.  If you go below 5, your cgm will wake up half the cabin.
What do you do?

14
Oct

Just dealing with it: easy, or not. Also, I get off-topic fairly easily.

I don't love anything overly simple.

I think if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

I'm not alone. Tons of self-help and self-awareness articles will quote the same damn thing... but advice re: diabetes tends to be sort of scarce, when compared to general health advice for otherwise healthy people

Here's some of mine. It comes not from clinical studies or analyses thereof; rather, from life experiences of a girl who's still here after 23+ years. Or something.

Most of my advice is stolen. Literally stolen. The best piece comes from Joe Solowiejczyk: "You don't have to like it, you just have to do it.+"
Nothing says that you have to love the tens or hundreds of daily things you do to stay alive. You still have to do them.
I still work on this. I haven't seen a therapist in a while, but when I did, it was largely focussed on how tf to do this. In all honesty, I've been debating returning for quite a while, and with the wedding behind me I don't really have much of an excuse for postponing. This is a necessary conversation.

This is all completely necessary stuff. It's a little more than the average person needs to do to stay alive, but still. Necessary.
That doesn't make it any easier to do.
I know I'm lucky. After a solid week of job cuts, I am still employed. I still have some of an insurance category re: physio, therapy, etc (alllll under the same group). I can talk, I can decompress, I can try to work things out.

With my own prophetized future of Adult Who Has Her Shit Together, don't I kind of owe to to my future self to sort her current self out?

(and other reasons why I have a current buzzing sort of anxiety)
bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

 

 

 

+ I've had this quote pinned to my dresser for 3 or 4 years. I know it's from him, but I'm having a hell of a time figuring out where it came from. I believe here? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HNOOIhyU04 ++

++ Part of the "Managing Teenagers with Diabetes".

 

*Also, Kinnickinick bread the best grilled cheese** sandwich. Like holy shit, that bread is fluffy as fck, even after being frozen and retoasted. I'm sold. I think it's fantastic.
** the cheese is
daiya cheese. Remember? I'm also allergic to dairy. 'sok. I remember. Can't bloody forget...

7
Oct

Some things are best left unsaid

Dear Husband,
I know you are sick. You have been fighting game a sinus cold for days, and it seems truly miserable.  You're stuffed up, your head hurts, and when I turn on a light in the middle of the night, the brightness stuns you and makes your blinding headache that much worse.
I know all of this. I promise, I really do.

Thing is, with a blood sugar of above 33... at this moment in time, I am sick too.*
My head hurts. My stomach hurts. I am thirsty as fck but if I give in and chug back a ton of water, I know I will throw up from overdoing it on fluids. I can't have NO fluids though, since dehydration makes insulin work less efficiently, and I reeeeally want my insulin to work as well as possible right now.

I did a middle-of-the-night infusion set change, since the site I started before dinner seems like it's not working. My whole body feels puffy and swollen from drinking liters of water over the last few hours. I promise, you are not the only one who feels sick.
Yours is a special, acute kind of Sick though. You feel terrible now, whereas my type of sick is a chronic slow burn that spikes every so often, then goes back to lurking in the background.
I really am sorry for waking you up with my lights and beeping and swearing. I hope you feel better soon, love. And I really, truly do understand: it sucks to feel sick.

*The manufacturer for.my meter says that HI readings occur with a bg above 600mg/dl or 33.3 mmol/L. 

Glucometer manual here, if you feel like some light reading 

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