3
Sep

Diabetes turns 23

Well, it's diabetes' 23rd birthday (for me, anyways). I certainly can't say it's been a happy one, but then again, none of them really are. 
BGS have been fine today. I am still here. I can be grateful for that today. Complications aside, I am still here.

25
Jun

C'mon, Glu...

I have a Glu account. I subscribe to their daily surveys, so each morning I receive a "Glu Staff: Question of the Day" survey.

This morning's survey question looked like this:

image

Glu Survey of the day on June 23, 2015

I don't  always complete the surveys that appear in my inbox every morning, but I do always read the emails. If I feel as though I have something to contribute (or I'm just curious about the results of that particular question!), I will log in and check it out. This morning's survey definitely did not sit well with me.

Of all of the ways to start my morning, contemplating which complication produces the most of that gut-wrenching chills-you-to-the-bone fear is NOT my my favourite.

2
Jun

When health stuff is all I've got going on

Sometimes I feel like diabetes doesn't leave me with very much left to work with. When I ask someone how their weekend went and in return they ask me the same, I sometimes struggle to come up with a description for my days that doesn't revolve around diabetes. I have entire days where all I can remember is the thirsty, bloaty, exhaustion-filled highs that wouldn't come down or the trembling, sweaty lows that shake me to my core.

 

I know that life isn't all about taking care of diabetes. Health and disease management should only be one part of a complete and balanced life. It makes me wonder, at times, what has to give in order to find that balance. Do you give up on tight BG control in order to gain back some flexibility in life? Or give up some of life in order to achieve a better A1C? The bums-me-out-that-it's-one-or-the-other thing aside, I feel right now as though I'm erring on the side of better BGs, and as a consequence I'm missing out on other things.

 

I need to figure out how to fix that. Until I get to that, you can find me working on some solid non-diabetes-related lies to tell people when they ask about my weekends.

 

26
Feb

Upcoming elbow surgeon appointment

I called my local hospital today to check the date of an appointment.

 

I have nerve damage in my elbow. My last endocrinologist appointment had her earnestly holding onto my forearm as she looked into my eyes to tell me that the nerve thing was not the fault of diabetes. She said it was not my fault.

 

She said it over and over.

 

...and over.

 

 

I Tried. I tried to approach this appointment by asking information that I would need to know, just IN CASE I ended up needing surgery for the nerve damage in my elbow.

 

She sees riiiiiiiight through me. My endo let me try to ask a few questions about stuff like "What should I be aware of, diabetes-wise, if I have elbow surgery?"  before she held my hand tightly and told me that this was not my fault. At that point I was having difficulty stifling an endless supply of tears, so my further diabetes-related questions were put on hold.

 

I appreciate this more than she could ever know. It means so much to me to know that she feels like I didn't cause this through lax diabetes management not-so-many-years ago when I was an irresponsible teenager. As well, the fact that she felt compelled to reassure me despite me never directly asking whether I caused this tells me that she knows me better than I had imagined.

 

Still, though, I feel like the schedule (17 15-minute appointments scheduled in the first 90 minutes of his day?!) of my potential elbow-surgeon does not inspire confidence. I'm trying very hard to reserve judgement until I first meet the surgeon, but I have to be honest: his hospital staff's view of him as a doctor and surgeon does not come off as particularly impressive...   :S

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