30
Jan

The need for space

Some days it feels like I just need everyone and everything to fuck off.

The painful tingling in my hand from pinched elbow nerves can fuck off.

Diabetes can fuck off.

Eosinophilic Esophagitis can fuck RIGHT off.

Yesterday was my endoscope appointment with the gastroenterologist. He took biopsies of my duodenum, proximal esophagus, and distal esophagus. Why biopsy the esophagus (twice!), you ask? Well, apparently because mine is "furrowed".

What in the world is a furrowed esophagus, you ask?

A furrowed esophagus is one that has abnormal lines or trenches in it. It is also a classic sign of eosinophilic esophagitis, an allergic response to food that causes symptoms pretty much only in the esophagus.

Symptoms are things like dysphagia/difficulty swallowing (I don't have that), persistant heartburn (don't have that either), and  esophageal food impaction (aka when food gets stuck in your esophagus and you need a doctor to use a tube to push it down to your stomach. I definitely don't have that).

Samples are being sent to a lab, and I follow up with the doctor in a few months to get those results. Both the intestinal biopsy (for celiac) and the esophageal biopsies (for EoE) need to be analyzed to confirm or disprove these conditions.

Today I am pissed. I an ANGRY. I want to lash out. I feel like hitting things and screaming, because WHAT THE FUCK.

I am making a great effort to stay quiet about this today. My friends and family have been nothing but patient with me, and I really don't want to push my luck by putting them through any more fits of yelling and crying.

Boyfriend was trying to be all supportive and helpful last night by telling me that "Yes, it sucks, but it's better that you know. It's always better to know these things."

So today? Boyfriend can fuck off too.

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