I called my local hospital today to check the date of an appointment.
I have nerve damage in my elbow. My last endocrinologist appointment had her earnestly holding onto my forearm as she looked into my eyes to tell me that the nerve thing was not the fault of diabetes. She said it was not my fault.
She said it over and over.
I Tried. I tried to approach this appointment by asking information that I would need to know, just IN CASE I ended up needing surgery for the nerve damage in my elbow.
She sees riiiiiiiight through me. My endo let me try to ask a few questions about stuff like "What should I be aware of, diabetes-wise, if I have elbow surgery?" before she held my hand tightly and told me that this was not my fault. At that point I was having difficulty stifling an endless supply of tears, so my further diabetes-related questions were put on hold.
I appreciate this more than she could ever know. It means so much to me to know that she feels like I didn't cause this through lax diabetes management not-so-many-years ago when I was an irresponsible teenager. As well, the fact that she felt compelled to reassure me despite me never directly asking whether I caused this tells me that she knows me better than I had imagined.
Still, though, I feel like the schedule (17 15-minute appointments scheduled in the first 90 minutes of his day?!) of my potential elbow-surgeon does not inspire confidence. I'm trying very hard to reserve judgement until I first meet the surgeon, but I have to be honest: his hospital staff's view of him as a doctor and surgeon does not come off as particularly impressive... :S