30
Aug

End of Summer thoughts

Shaky. Fatigued. A bit brain-fuzzy, so really needing to think before I speak.

Putting things down instead of holding them, because if I hold them you'll see how my hands are shaking.

Asking a lot of questions that I *know* will set you up for a big in-depth response, because that way I can participate by making "mm hmm" noises while not actually having to speak or form a coherent response.

Leaning against the counter, because it's less risky that way. Less of a chance I'll tumble.

Smiling brightly and in a way that I hope looks reassuring, so that you won't ask if I'm feeling ok because I look a little "off".

For months, life has been about wedding planning. Now I'm not planning anything, and I think a combo of hot weather and a lack of wedding-prep stress has left me with some pretty serious lows. This week has been making it clear that I need to tweak my basal rates.

Thing is, I don't want to say that it must be so nice to be done planning.
I don't want to talk about my health. It's not nice to be back and be "basking in no wedding stress!". It's not. It's really not. It's uncomfortable and debilitating and leaves me feeling weak and frustrated.

So please, please don't ask how I am. I will hope you don't ask, and if you do, I will lie. I will lie and I'll hope you either don't catch on or, if you do, you'll get the hint and not pry. I am tired and I am low and when I'm not low I'm high. If the beeping of my pump doesn't give it away, my bright smiles and quick escapes should.

 

Just give me a bit more time to adjust to my new stress levels. Ask me again in the fall, ok? Ask me how I'm doing and maybe you'll like the answer a bit more come October.

6
Jul

Keeping it together: Wedding Planning Edition

I thought I have been doing quite well.
Sure, I've had a few more lows than usual. Sure, stress can do that. And sure, I keep having to remind myself after treating these lows that maybe it's time to slash away at my basal rates so these lows happen less often, but then I forget right up until the next 2.7 is staring me in the face.
Then this happened,  and I found myself sitting in my office 2 days ago with an empty pump and a 6-day-old infusion set. That may be the norm for some, but I usually try to keep to a 3- or 4-day site rotation, so 6 is a bit much. Limiting sets to 3 or 4 days usually easy for me, since I've never made it past day 4 with any insulin left in my reservoir.
I think at this point it's safe to say that despite my best (okay, my medium-est) efforts, wedding planning has bested me. Diabetes care has fallen by the wayside. I'm still here, still bolusing for food and chowing back on glucose tablets when I'm low, but being proactive about my self-care is taking a backseat to all of the wedding stuff.
So, step 1 has been Recognizing The Need For Change. I guess step 2 is actually doing it.  On that note, I will upload my cgm data to Carelink when I get home tonight. I will. Tonight.
I mean, not right away tonight. We have a meeting with the wedding DJ after work. But after that. Definitely.

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