14
Oct

Just dealing with it: easy, or not. Also, I get off-topic fairly easily.

I don't love anything overly simple.

I think if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

I'm not alone. Tons of self-help and self-awareness articles will quote the same damn thing... but advice re: diabetes tends to be sort of scarce, when compared to general health advice for otherwise healthy people

Here's some of mine. It comes not from clinical studies or analyses thereof; rather, from life experiences of a girl who's still here after 23+ years. Or something.

Most of my advice is stolen. Literally stolen. The best piece comes from Joe Solowiejczyk: "You don't have to like it, you just have to do it.+"
Nothing says that you have to love the tens or hundreds of daily things you do to stay alive. You still have to do them.
I still work on this. I haven't seen a therapist in a while, but when I did, it was largely focussed on how tf to do this. In all honesty, I've been debating returning for quite a while, and with the wedding behind me I don't really have much of an excuse for postponing. This is a necessary conversation.

This is all completely necessary stuff. It's a little more than the average person needs to do to stay alive, but still. Necessary.
That doesn't make it any easier to do.
I know I'm lucky. After a solid week of job cuts, I am still employed. I still have some of an insurance category re: physio, therapy, etc (alllll under the same group). I can talk, I can decompress, I can try to work things out.

With my own prophetized future of Adult Who Has Her Shit Together, don't I kind of owe to to my future self to sort her current self out?

(and other reasons why I have a current buzzing sort of anxiety)
bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

 

 

 

+ I've had this quote pinned to my dresser for 3 or 4 years. I know it's from him, but I'm having a hell of a time figuring out where it came from. I believe here? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HNOOIhyU04 ++

++ Part of the "Managing Teenagers with Diabetes".

 

*Also, Kinnickinick bread the best grilled cheese** sandwich. Like holy shit, that bread is fluffy as fck, even after being frozen and retoasted. I'm sold. I think it's fantastic.
** the cheese is
daiya cheese. Remember? I'm also allergic to dairy. 'sok. I remember. Can't bloody forget...

13
Apr

Bargaining?

I sometimes find myself negotiating with myself to downplay the gravity of my diabetes care. "Oh, I've been waking up high all week? ...Yeah, but yesterday I tidied the main floor AND vacuumed. PLUS, I emptied the garbage for the whole house this week so that Boyfriend didn't have to, because on garbage night he was out at his mom's place fixing that crack in the drywall beside the kitchen counter, so he would have been too tired to do the garbage, soo......yeah. I should get a pass on the diabetes thing. I'm obviously too busy to retest overnight basals."

 

"I wore an infusion set for 5.5 days last week? Yeah, BUT the DCM at work (A manager who is, I think, 5 or 6 managerial levels up above my boss) came to our office with a rush request on a Friday afternoon, so I stayed suuuuuper late on a Friday. I was crazy-efficient though! I produced everything that they needed for their meeting on Sunday!"

 

Or, my favourite, "I wore an infusion set for 5 days again? Well, that's 5-days-ago-Melody's fault. She shouldn't have filled the reservoir with enough insulin to last 5 days. She should've only filled it with 3 days' worth."

 

 

 

Sometimes I wish I knew some other actual, real-life diabetics, so I could figure out whether this is a thing we all do. I feel as though if others do it too, that makes it less bad. I'm sure there's a word for that.

4
Apr

When life gets in the way...

Lately things at home have been pretty hectic.

- We adopted two rabbits. They're adorable and precious, but litterbox-training baby rabbits is not an easy task. It involves a lot of urine-soaked newspaper...

- The dog got an eye infection. Then an ear infection. The the other ear...infected.

- He passed it on to the rabbit (so all 3 pets [2 rabbits; 1 dog] had to be separated, and one dog & one rabbit ended up on antibiotics)

- The dog then scratched his cornea and developed an ulcer in his eye. He's on meds every 3-4 hours over a two-week period, and for now he's stuck wearing his cone 🙁

- My lovely and wonderful best friend is getting married in a little over two months, and as her MOH I've been honoured and delighted to start planning a bridal shower and bachelorette. Also, wrangling friends and family members into planning sessions and coordinating details has, on occasion, left me just the teensiest bit frantic. Even more than that is the ridiculous idea that I need to pretend that I've got a solid handle on everything that's going on --  I'm not sure where this compulsive need to fake it is coming from, but the cool calm exterior that is presented (when in fact I'm tearing out my hair or panicking over details) to others involved in planning is proving a bit draining to maintain.

- Work has been insane. Like, insaaaane. I have, through the sheer luck of being the person who sits next to my group's manager, been tasked with updating some of our systems and processes on top of my regular work duties. It's been fun and challenging, and I've definitely been learning a lot as I go, but I admit it's been a uniquely challenging project.

- My elbow has been acting up. I'm on a waitlist for surgery on my ulnar nerve (that's the one that runs through two bones in your elbow), but I've got about another 6 months to wait, possibly longer. My symptoms have been ramping up over the last two weeks, leaving me trying to balance managing pain with my desire to actually use my hand. More on that later, but to sum it up, it's been making itself increasingly noticeable over the past little while, and nerve-blocking meds are no longer helping.

 

It feels very strange to look back over the last few weeks. Diabetes has actually taken a backseat to the drama of everyday life, and this feels very...strange. My Carelink reports show that I'm trending higher than I'd like, and to be completely honest I haven't done much about it. I know I have an upcoming endo appointment in about a week, and I know she'll make recommendations for changes in my basal and bolus ratios. Does that absolve me of any responsibility to review my data and make changes in response to what I see? Well....no. It does make it easier to just wait to let someone else make the changes, though. Lately it just feels like life has been too busy to let diabetes be as important as it should be, and my Carelink reports are proving that my diabetes care is suffering. I hope that this upcoming appointment can serve as the kick in the butt that I need in order to prioritize my health again, at least for a little bit.

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