7
Oct

Some things are best left unsaid

Dear Husband,
I know you are sick. You have been fighting game a sinus cold for days, and it seems truly miserable.  You're stuffed up, your head hurts, and when I turn on a light in the middle of the night, the brightness stuns you and makes your blinding headache that much worse.
I know all of this. I promise, I really do.

Thing is, with a blood sugar of above 33... at this moment in time, I am sick too.*
My head hurts. My stomach hurts. I am thirsty as fck but if I give in and chug back a ton of water, I know I will throw up from overdoing it on fluids. I can't have NO fluids though, since dehydration makes insulin work less efficiently, and I reeeeally want my insulin to work as well as possible right now.

I did a middle-of-the-night infusion set change, since the site I started before dinner seems like it's not working. My whole body feels puffy and swollen from drinking liters of water over the last few hours. I promise, you are not the only one who feels sick.
Yours is a special, acute kind of Sick though. You feel terrible now, whereas my type of sick is a chronic slow burn that spikes every so often, then goes back to lurking in the background.
I really am sorry for waking you up with my lights and beeping and swearing. I hope you feel better soon, love. And I really, truly do understand: it sucks to feel sick.

*The manufacturer for.my meter says that HI readings occur with a bg above 600mg/dl or 33.3 mmol/L. 

Glucometer manual here, if you feel like some light reading 

31
Dec

Some thoughts

I have trouble thinking of certain aspects of my diabetes in the long term. It's not that I don't imagine that I won't still have this disease in 40, or 50, or 60 years - it's more that I can't imagine doing 60 years worth of blood sugar testing 10+ times a day. I can think about doing that tomorrow. I can imagine myself doing it for the rest of this week, and probably well into the New Year... but imagining doing this for decades down the line? ...it's just hard to picture that version of the future.

Some days, all of this is fine. It's not good (it's never good), but it's sort of manageable.

Other days, it's 2am and I can't sleep so I'm up reading about smart insulins and encapsulation and other things that sound wonderful but are very far away from
anything real, but at least reading about them helps me to feel like I can look at some of the hope that these people have for a different future.

image

Se├▒or Ben wears a necktie

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