3
Sep

Another dx anniversary 

A few words for my Diabetes.
So, diabetes, there's not much to note this year. It's a Sunday; I spent most of the day cooking and doing laundry. Exciting stuff. You know all about it- you followed me around all day, just as you have for the past few decades.
I started a new sensor but was about to eat dinner, then had just eaten, then ate dessert... so by the time I checked to calibrate, I was running pretty high. Hardly surprising. You remember this, I'm sure.  After all, you were there to refuse to take my sensor calibration. "Too high," you told me. "Try again later."
I recently heard some good news about having CGM evaluated for coverage in my province. More on this later, but it could be very exciting. Who knows, diabetes-- maybe more folks in my province could be equipped with the tools and the tech that we need in order to kick you back where you belong??
Diabetes, you might have noticed that I didn't get in fights with anyone today. I didn't get rip-roaring drunk and bawl my eyes out about you, the incessant nuisance that refuses to leave me the fck alone. I didn't cave to the unhealthy habits of back in the day. I was....okay.
Maybe this is growing up? It feels like quiet resignation. A resigned sort of sadness. I might not be ripping into anyone who dares piss me off today, but I'm still feeling that deep grief that can't be paved over no matter how hard you try to ignore it. I guess this is now it is.
Diabetes, it's been 24 years. I don't speak to you directly very often, as I find it hard to stay reasonable in these conversations, but I will say this:

As ever year,
I wish.

I hope. 

I very sincerely pray that someone; some divine ruler, some masterful scientist, SOME ONE hears these dreams of mine.

I hope only one of us is left this time next year.
Yours,
Melody

14
Oct

Just dealing with it: easy, or not. Also, I get off-topic fairly easily.

I don't love anything overly simple.

I think if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

I'm not alone. Tons of self-help and self-awareness articles will quote the same damn thing... but advice re: diabetes tends to be sort of scarce, when compared to general health advice for otherwise healthy people

Here's some of mine. It comes not from clinical studies or analyses thereof; rather, from life experiences of a girl who's still here after 23+ years. Or something.

Most of my advice is stolen. Literally stolen. The best piece comes from Joe Solowiejczyk: "You don't have to like it, you just have to do it.+"
Nothing says that you have to love the tens or hundreds of daily things you do to stay alive. You still have to do them.
I still work on this. I haven't seen a therapist in a while, but when I did, it was largely focussed on how tf to do this. In all honesty, I've been debating returning for quite a while, and with the wedding behind me I don't really have much of an excuse for postponing. This is a necessary conversation.

This is all completely necessary stuff. It's a little more than the average person needs to do to stay alive, but still. Necessary.
That doesn't make it any easier to do.
I know I'm lucky. After a solid week of job cuts, I am still employed. I still have some of an insurance category re: physio, therapy, etc (alllll under the same group). I can talk, I can decompress, I can try to work things out.

With my own prophetized future of Adult Who Has Her Shit Together, don't I kind of owe to to my future self to sort her current self out?

(and other reasons why I have a current buzzing sort of anxiety)
bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

 

 

 

+ I've had this quote pinned to my dresser for 3 or 4 years. I know it's from him, but I'm having a hell of a time figuring out where it came from. I believe here? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HNOOIhyU04 ++

++ Part of the "Managing Teenagers with Diabetes".

 

*Also, Kinnickinick bread the best grilled cheese** sandwich. Like holy shit, that bread is fluffy as fck, even after being frozen and retoasted. I'm sold. I think it's fantastic.
** the cheese is
daiya cheese. Remember? I'm also allergic to dairy. 'sok. I remember. Can't bloody forget...

Back to Top